Back-to-School Bedtime: Reset Your Kids’ Routine

Why Summer Freedom Makes Back-to-School Sleep Tough

Ah, summer. Two glorious months of freedom. Kids staying out later, playing in the sun, and enjoying every last minute of daylight. Moms and dads finally had a little breathing room—no alarms, no strict schedules, just family time and flexibility. Nothing catastrophic happens if bedtime wasn’t perfect for a couple of months; the kids got fresh air, ran until their legs felt like jelly, and maybe even discovered the magical ability to negotiate bedtime like tiny lawyers.

But, as we all know, good things come to an end. Back-to-school means back to routines, and after two months of loose schedules, you can’t expect bedtime to magically reset overnight. To make the transition smoother, it’s best to start adjusting bedtime at least a week before school begins, so everyone can gradually get back on track.

The good news? You are in charge. Kids will follow, but it’s up to you to create a clear, consistent, and calm plan. Don’t expect perfection overnight, but with patience and a blueprint in place, you’ll soon reclaim your evenings.

Parents Are in Charge: Setting a Calm, Consistent Plan

The key principle: bedtime is the parent’s responsibility, not the child’s negotiation table. Children will follow if the plan is clear, consistent, and delivered calmly. Expect some resistance, but remember—consistency wins. This isn’t about rewards or bribing; it’s about predictability, routine, and guidance.

Every Child’s Sleep Needs Are Different

One of the biggest mistakes parents make is putting all their kids to bed at the same time, from the 3-year-old to the 9-year-old. It doesn’t work.

• A 3-year-old typically needs 10–13 hours of sleep per night.

• A 9-year-old usually needs 9–11 hours.

I’ve seen it up close: my 6-year-old at the time would fall asleep beautifully, but around midnight she’d reappear like a tiny, unstoppable night owl—singing, playing, and occasionally taking a bath just for fun. Doctors, books, friends—you name it—we tried everything. Nothing worked. Until someone suggested the simplest solution: I was putting her to bed too early. Once her bedtime matched her actual sleep needs, she slept through the night, and we finally had peace in the house again.

The takeaway: every child is different, and finding the right bedtime is key. Too early or too late, and chaos ensues, no matter how consistent your routine is.

Involve Older School-Age Kids in the Bedtime Conversation

For children around ages 7–8 and older, including them in bedtime discussions often works better than dictating a strict time. Ask what bedtime feels reasonable, within healthy boundaries, and work as a team to set the plan. When kids feel heard and included, they’re more likely to stick to the routine.

Think of it as teamwork: you provide the structure, they provide input. Sometimes that input is negotiating 10 extra minutes to read under the covers—but that’s fine, as long as the overall framework stays consistent.

Bedtime Routine vs. Wind-Down Time

A bedtime routine usually takes about an hour and should be consistent every night. It’s not about rigidity, but about creating a plan both you and your child know and can follow.

A typical routine includes:

• Shower or bath

• Brushing teeth (and hair if needed)

• Saying Shema and getting a drink of water

This is usually  done before wind-down time. The routine usually requires parental guidance, as children often need help with brushing teeth, bathing, or finding a clean pair of pajamas.

Wind-down time, on the other hand, is done alone. This is where children learn self-soothing, figuring out what relaxes them and what makes them ready for sleep. We’ll dive deeper into wind-down time tomorrow, including how it should look for children of different ages.

A Real-Life Example: Tova, Age 7

Meet Tova, a 7-year-old with a personality as big as her opinions at 10 PM. Her parents were devoted and loving, but without a clear structure, evenings were entirely taken over by Tova. They found themselves reading, playing, discussing, and occasionally including her in adult conversations—because apparently she had thoughts about everything from dinner choices to political strategy.

Many nights, Tova would persuade her parents to let her sleep in their room—and then she’d fall asleep instantly, leaving them to wonder if all the chaos had just been a rehearsal for some bedtime magic trick. Her parents assumed she was anxious and needed them there, but the truth was simpler: Tova needed firm structure, a consistent routine, and clear boundaries every night—loving but firm.

With guidance and coaching, Tova’s parents implemented a consistent routine and taught her self-soothing skills. Over time, Tova became an independent sleeper, and the family reclaimed calm, peaceful evenings. This shows that even children who appear “resistant” can thrive with the right plan, structure, and guidance.

What Works & What Doesn’t

What works: Calm parental leadership, consistent routine steps, and predictable timing.What doesn’t work: Negotiating every night, relying on rewards, or letting the child dictate bedtime. Consistency always wins.

Takeaway: Start Early and Stay Consistent

Summer fun was wonderful, but school requires structure. Start at least a week before school, create a consistent bedtime routine, and set clear, calm boundaries. Consider each child’s sleep needs, involve older kids in discussions when appropriate, and remember: you are in charge.

Tomorrow’s blog will focus on wind-down time and self-soothing—how to help your child relax and fall asleep independently. If you feel like you need more guidance creating a personalized bedtime blueprint, book a 30-minute session with me here.

For more real-life examples of children learning to sleep independently, check out Brenda’s sleep story.