How Do I Know If I Have Insomnia? The Signs You Might Be Overlooking

It’s 7 p.m., and instead of enjoying your evening, all you can think about is sleep. Will you sleep tonight? What happens if you don’t? Should you go out or stay in? Should you try that lavender spray? Your friend sent you a new pillow — will it help? How will you manage tomorrow if you don’t sleep?

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many people find that worry about sleep starts hours before bedtime, creeping into daily life. It’s not just about lying awake at 3 a.m.; insomnia often begins as anxiety that steals the present moment.

Take a deep breath: you are not broken. Sleep is natural. Every human being in the world knows how to sleep. You can’t break your ability to rest, even if it feels impossible right now. What you’re experiencing is insomnia — a learned pattern — and it has very recognizable signs.

The Subtle Signs of Insomnia

Insomnia doesn’t always look like tossing and turning all night. Often, it shows up in ways you may not even realize:

• Feeling anxious about sleep hours before bedtime.

• Trouble falling asleep despite exhaustion.

• Waking in the night and not being able to fall back asleep.

• Waking too early, feeling like the night ended before it even began.

• Structuring your day around sleep — avoiding plans, trips, or activities to “protect” it.

These signs aren’t just inconveniences; they’re warnings that sleep has started dictating your life instead of supporting it.

Living Life Around Sleep: Client Stories

Take Chana, a 47-year-old mom of four. Her family had planned a Labor Day road trip — the last adventure before school started. A few days beforehand, Chana wanted to cancel. Why? She’d had a couple of good nights and was terrified the trip would “mess it up.” Sleep had become the centerpiece of her decisions — she prioritized it over family joy. The anxiety about possibly losing sleep kept her stuck at home while her children’s excitement hung in the air.

Or consider my client in Holland, a high school teacher who loves the gym as a stress release. After a few restless nights, she convinced herself she needed to save energy for sleep. She skipped workouts that once gave her relief, joy, and strength. Fear of losing sleep had taken priority over living fully.

Even children can experience this. I once worked with 7-year-old Ricky, who would only fall asleep if her father lay in bed with her, arm wrapped around her. The routine had to be exact, night after night. Without it, sleep felt impossible. Ricky wasn’t broken — she had learned to link sleep with safety and dependency.

Why Insomnia Happens: Effortlessness vs. Survival

Insomnia isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s about two fundamental human principles: effortlessness and survival.

Effortlessness

Peace of mind and restful sleep are naturally effortless. Think about the last time you had a calm, content moment — maybe watching a sunset, laughing with a friend, or zoning out after a long day. Did you work for it? No. Peace arrived when effort disappeared.

Sleep works the same way. The more you chase it, the further it seems. Trying to force it creates anxiety, tension, and more wakefulness.

Survival

The brain is wired to keep you safe. If it senses danger — real or imagined — it flips on protective emotions: fear, anger, sadness, and disgust. Fear is the most common culprit behind sleepless nights. That racing heart, the swirl of “what if” thoughts at 7 p.m., is your brain signaling survival mode.

When effortlessness and survival collide, you feel trapped. Sleep becomes a performance rather than a natural state. This loop keeps insomnia alive.

When Sleep Becomes the Center of Your Life

A clear sign of insomnia is when sleep stops being part of your life and starts dictating it.

Some clients become rigid about evening routines. What starts as a helpful anchor — dimming the lights, reading a book, sipping tea — slowly becomes a cage. Even small deviations trigger panic: “If I don’t follow this exactly, I’ll never sleep.”

Others stop going out, skip workouts, or avoid vacations because they’re trying to “protect” their sleep. Chana canceling her road trip, the teacher skipping the gym, and even young Ricky relying on a parent to fall asleep are all examples of how insomnia convinces us life must wait for sleep.

The very thing that should restore you becomes a source of stress, anxiety, and isolation.

You’re Not Broken — Insomnia is a Learned Pattern

It’s easy to think: “I must be broken. My sleep is gone forever.” But insomnia is a learned pattern, not a permanent flaw. The same brain that learned to fear sleep can learn to trust it again.

You haven’t lost your ability to rest — it’s still inside you, waiting for reassurance, safety, and calm. Recognizing the signs is the first step toward taking back your evenings and your nights.

A Path Back to Balance

The goal isn’t to sleep perfectly  every night. The goal is letting sleep return to its natural place in your life. When you loosen control, allow flexibility, and stop punishing yourself for a rough night, you start to invite sleep back in. Start noticing the small ways your fear of sleep shows up — the choices you make, the plans you avoid, the rituals you cling to — and compare them to what someone who sleeps naturally would do. This awareness is the first step toward reclaiming your evenings and your nights.

Let’s Talk

If you see yourself in these stories and feel trapped by fear of losing sleep, you are not alone. Sometimes just talking about it out loud can lift a huge weight.

I’d love to hear your story. Book a complimentary call with me here: https://calendly.com/chevymermelstein/30min.

And if you want to explore more, check out my blog: The 4 Stages of Insomnia and How to Move Forward.

Sleep is natural. You haven’t lost it. It’s waiting for you.