Sleep Hygiene Without the Rules: What Actually Helps You Sleep Better

Everyone seems to be talking about sleep hygiene lately.

Google it, and you’ll find thousands of results telling you to dim your lights, avoid caffeine, turn off your phone, and go to bed at the exact same time every night.

But what happens when you follow all the rules—and still can’t sleep? Or what if you’re just not the “same bedtime every night” kind of person?

Let’s clear something up: sleep hygiene isn’t about perfection. It’s about understanding your body’s rhythm, experimenting with habits that support it, and letting go of what doesn’t work for you.

Because when sleep becomes rigid, stressful, or fear-based—it stops working altogether.

Let me introduce you to three people who taught me just that.

Sara and the Coffee Ice Cream

Sara is my 50-year-old neighbor and a proud grandma. She usually has no trouble sleeping. She doesn’t drink coffee after noon, rarely looks at screens late at night, and her evenings are pretty calm.

But one morning, during a quick chat on our front lawns, she told me she’d barely slept the night before. “I felt totally buzzed,” she said. “But I didn’t even do anything wrong.”

We retraced her evening. No phone. No drama. Home on time. Nothing obvious.

Then it hit her: her daughter had taken her out for coffee ice cream—her favorite.

Yes, it was just a scoop of ice cream. But for Sara’s body, that little bit of caffeine was enough to keep her up for hours.

Here’s the thing: I’ve worked with people who can drink espresso at 9 p.m. and fall asleep without a problem. Everyone absorbs and responds to caffeine differently. For Sara, the message was clear: even small treats can impact sleep—but it doesn’t mean she has to give them up forever.

It just means she now knows to enjoy coffee ice cream earlier in the day.

Debby and the Wedding That Followed Her Home

Debby, a young mom of two, reached out to me after a night she couldn’t make sense of.

She had gone to a family wedding and had the best time—music, dancing, laughing with cousins she hadn’t seen in years. She got home by 11:30, did her usual bedtime routine, and got into bed by midnight.

But sleep didn’t come.

She tossed and turned, and told me the next day, “I could still hear the music in my head. It was like the floor was still vibrating under me.”

And it made total sense. Weddings are loud, stimulating, and full of movement and emotion. Her body wasn’t anxious—it was activated. Her nervous system had no time to downshift. Even joyful stimulation needs recovery.

Debby didn’t do anything wrong. But going straight from a full dance floor to a quiet bed doesn’t give your system the time to switch gears. Sometimes, a short wind-down moment—stretching, dim lights, even just a few minutes in silence—can be enough to tell your body: the night is over. It’s safe now.

Sammy and the Rules That Broke Her Sleep

Then there’s Sammy, a schoolteacher from the Netherlands who was dealing with terrible insomnia. She had read all about sleep hygiene and decided to follow it to the letter—except she took it to a whole new level.

She wouldn’t drink coffee, Coke, or even tea. Ever. She never went out at night—social events felt “too risky.” She had the same exact bedtime every single night and even set an alarm to start her wind-down routine at the same time. Any disruption made her feel anxious and out of control.

What started as helpful structure had become a rigid cage. Sleep had turned into another job she could fail at. And with that kind of pressure, her nervous system never got the message that it could let go.

We had to undo all of that. We worked on slowly building trust back into her body—not just through routines, but through permission. Permission to skip the routine sometimes. To stay out late. To be human.

And guess what? Her sleep got better the moment she loosened her grip.

So What Is Sleep Hygiene, Really?

At its core, sleep hygiene is just a set of gentle practices that help your brain and body wind down for the night. It’s not a checklist. It’s not a punishment. And it doesn’t have to look the same every single day.

For some people, it’s turning off bright lights in the evening to help melatonin rise naturally. For others, it’s a consistent rhythm—going to bed and waking around the same time, not to control sleep but to anchor it. And for many of us, it’s about being mindful of things like caffeine, overstimulation, and the way our nervous system processes the events of the day.

Sleep hygiene becomes powerful when it’s flexible. When it feels like support, not pressure. When you can still live your life—go out, have dessert, take a spontaneous phone call—and not feel like you’ve ruined your chances of rest.

Flexible Sleep Hygiene That Actually Works

There’s no one-size-fits-all here, but some patterns do help most people. What matters is how you apply them.

Start by noticing how caffeine affects you personally. It might mean skipping that late tea or saving coffee ice cream for earlier. Play with light—softening it in the evening can cue your body to wind down more easily. Give yourself space to transition after busy or social nights; you can’t go from loud dancing to sleep in a snap. And try to keep a general rhythm to your sleep and wake times, not out of fear, but because your body responds to consistency.

But don’t make any of this law. You don’t need a perfect routine. You need awareness. Some nights will be off. Some habits won’t matter. And that’s okay.

What you’re aiming for is a supportive rhythm you can come back to, not a perfect record you’re scared to break.

Here’s the bottom line: sleep hygiene is not about doing everything perfectly. It’s about noticing what works for you, gently adjusting where needed, and still living your life.

Yes, have the coffee ice cream if you love it. Go to the wedding. Stay out late now and then. Just stay curious about how your choices affect your sleep—and give yourself permission to shift, without guilt.

And if you ever feel like you might need more guidance or a personalized blueprint for your sleep, please feel free to book a complimentary call. booking link 

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