Why Are Insomniacs Practically Living in Bed?

(Spoiler: It’s Not Helping)

It sounds counterintuitive, right? The less you sleep, the more time you spend in bed—shouldn’t it be the opposite?

But that’s exactly what happens to many people struggling with insomnia. They start living from their beds, convinced that if they just rest enough, sleep will eventually come.

They work from bed, eat from bed, scroll endlessly from bed. Some don’t even bother getting dressed, spending entire days in pajamas because, hey, at least they’re in “sleep mode,” right?

Their brains trick them into thinking that the more time they spend horizontal, the better their chances of actually dozing off.

But here’s the truth: the opposite is happening. The more time you spend in bed not sleeping, the more your brain learns that bed isn’t just for sleep—it’s for thinking, stressing, tossing, turning, and, well…not sleeping.

Meet Jackie: A Classic Case of Too Much Bed, Too Little Sleep

Let me introduce you to Jackie, 54, who was caught in this exact trap.

When she came to me, she was in a dark place—both figuratively and literally, since she spent most of her time in a dark bedroom.

Jackie had recently moved from Brazil to Miami. While that sounds exciting, it wasn’t for her. She had no close friends, no family nearby, and no one to check in on her. That loneliness settled deep, and as her anxiety grew, so did her sleep struggles.

She was taking three different kinds of sleeping pills, but instead of waking up refreshed, she felt like she had been hit by a truck every morning. And the worst part? Sleep had taken over her life. It wasn’t just something she did—it was something she obsessed over.

“I long for the day to end, but I dread the evenings,” Jackie told me.

And it was easy to see why. Every evening, she felt completely alone, with nothing to do except count the hours until 9 p.m.—the magic moment she allowed herself to take her sleeping pills.

She would finish work at 6 p.m., then wander aimlessly around her apartment, just waiting for bedtime. Some nights, she couldn’t even hold out until 9 and would take the pills earlier. Then she’d crawl into bed, where she often stayed for up to 15 hours, hoping that if she just lay there long enough, sleep would come.

Except…it didn’t.

The Real Problem: Sleep Was Her Only Focus

Jackie wasn’t just struggling with sleep—she was fixated on it. Instead of filling her evenings with life, she was filling them with waiting. Sleep had become her only goal, her only focus.

The problem? Sleep doesn’t like being chased. The more you try to force it, the more it runs away.

And all that extra bed time? It was making things worse. Instead of associating her bed with rest, Jackie’s brain had linked it with frustration, anxiety, and loneliness. Her bed had become a waiting room—not a place for sleep.

So, we did something simple. I asked her to track when she took her pills, when she got into bed, and when she got out of bed.

After just one week, the results were staring her in the face: she was spending way too much time in bed and barely getting any real sleep.

The Turning Point: Less Bed, More Life

The average adult needs 7 to 9 hours of sleep—which means 7 to 9 hours of being in bed. Jackie was spending nearly double that, and it was wrecking her sleep.

So, we made a shift.

Instead of waiting for bedtime, Jackie started actually living in the evenings. She filled her nights with things that brought her joy:

• Going out with friends

• Watching the sunset at the beach

• Listening to music

• Calling her sister in Brazil

• Reading—but in a chair, not in bed

Slowly but surely, her bedtime crept later—closer to 11 p.m., sometimes even midnight—and the results were incredible.

✨ She felt alive. ✨ She felt rejuvenated. ✨ She felt happy. And most importantly? She was actually tired when she went to bed.

As her sleep improved, she started relying less and less on her sleeping pills. She was no longer just waiting for the day to end—she was living it.

The Takeaway? Get Out of Bed!

If you’re struggling with sleep, ask yourself: Am I spending too much time in bed? Because chances are, if you’re lying there for hours, stressing about sleep, you’re making things worse.

The best thing you can do? Get out of bed. Fill your evenings with life, not with waiting. Your bed is for sleeping—not for scrolling, stressing, or counting the hours.

And trust me—the less you chase sleep, the more likely it is to finally show up.