.png)
A Child’s Bedtime Struggles — and the Simple Outcome That Changed Everything
- chevy mermelstein
- Jan 12
- 4 min read
Her voice cracked on the phone.
You know that sound — when a mom isn’t just tired, but done.
When she’s tried everything.
When nights feel longer than days and hope feels thin.
She told me about her 9-year-old son, Moishe.
He’s smart. Exceptionally creative. The kind of child who can draw, cut, glue, and create for hours without stopping. His imagination is endless, his ideas nonstop. She said, “When he’s busy, he’s in his zone. He could do this all day.”
But evenings in their house?
Pure chaos.
Moishe is the oldest of three, and nighttime had become the most stressful part of the day — because of him.
She tries to put him to bed at 8:00 PM.
And that’s when everything falls apart.
He can’t fall asleep.
He keeps coming out of his room.
He doesn’t stop talking.
He has stories to tell. Thoughts to share. Ideas that suddenly feel urgent. And each time, she walks him back to bed — again and again — until frustration takes over. His mind won’t shut off. Her patience is gone. Everyone is tense.
She told me, “He’s so upset. He wants to sleep. But he can’t.”
Then she said quietly, “He’s always been anxious.”
And when one child struggles at night, the entire house suffers.
Mom doesn’t get her downtime.
The younger kids don’t understand what’s happening and stop settling.
And Moishe finally falls asleep close to 11:00 PM — only for her to drag him out of bed in the morning so he doesn’t miss the bus.
She was desperate.
So she booked an appointment.
The beauty this time?
She lived in Montreal.
This wasn’t over Zoom.
When mom and Moishe walked in, I could feel his energy immediately. He had so much to say. He showed me his drawings. His creativity was obvious — and so was the fact that his system was always on.
I drew a simple picture of a remote-control car.
I said, “Imagine you’re the remote. At night, which button does your mind feel like it’s on?”
On.
High.
Low.
Off.
He didn’t hesitate.
“High. All the time.”
I asked, “From 0 to 10, how high?”
He smiled and said, “More than 10.”
That told me everything I needed to know.
This wasn’t defiance.
This wasn’t bad behavior.
And it wasn’t even big anxiety.
It was a nervous system that didn’t know how to transition.
What I Thought I’d Be Treating — and What I Actually Found
At first, I assumed I would be coaching both mom and Moishe — helping him manage anxiety and calm his racing mind.
But when I scheduled a session with mom alone and did a thorough intake, I could already see a few red flags.
Not scary ones.
Crucial ones.
1. Moishe Needed Transition Time
Mom described him perfectly.
“He’s like a seltzer bottle.”
From the minute he walks in the door, he’s full — full of ideas, plans, and things he wants to do. And once he gets started, he doesn’t know how to stop and move on.
So when one activity suddenly ends and another begins — especially bedtime — his system has no time to prepare. His mind stays on high.
We didn’t try to quiet his thoughts.
We gave his brain a heads-up.
A simple timer.
A short conversation.
“Moishe, you have 10 more minutes.”
“After this, it’s supper.”
That small moment allowed his nervous system to shift gears instead of slamming on the brakes.
2. Designated 15 Minutes With Mom
This was the missing piece.
Once the younger kids were in bed, Moishe got 15 minutes of intentional time with his mom.
Just 15.
During that time, he could talk — and then choose one additional option:
1) Either play a short card game
2) Or listen to one chapter from a chapter book
Not everything.
Not rushed.
And not negotiable.
This was how his mind finally processed the day.
I knew that once mom truly sat down — phone away, attention fully on him — his nervous system would settle.
He didn’t need to keep coming out of bed to say “one more thing.”
He had already been heard.
3. We Moved His Bedtime Later
This part makes many parents uncomfortable.
But we wanted Moishe to feel genuinely tired — not forced into bed before his body was ready.
By shifting his bedtime later, the struggle disappeared.
By the time he climbed into bed, his body was ready.
No chasing him back.
No power struggles.
No frustration.
Just sleep.
The Follow-Up That Changed Everything
We met again the following week.
Mom was glowing.
It was working.
She had her evenings back.
Her other children were sleeping.
And Moishe had settled into a routine that finally fit him.
Did it need some tweaking?
Of course. Real life always does.
But the chaos was gone.
And the biggest relief of all?
This wasn’t a major anxiety disorder.
It wasn’t something overwhelming or scary.
It was technical.
And it was fixable.
Sometimes, a child’s bedtime struggles don’t need a complicated solution.
Sometimes, it really is a fix.
If bedtime feels like a nightly battle in your home, you may also find this helpful:
And if you’re reading this and thinking, “This sounds exactly like my child” — or you feel like Moishe’s mom did — exhausted, overwhelmed, and unsure what’s really going on…
I’d be happy to have a chat.
📅 Book a free 30-minute call here:
Sometimes sleep isn’t about fixing a child.
Sometimes it’s about fixing the missing piece.
And when that piece clicks into place, the whole house can finally rest.
Comments