How Sleep Anxiety Is Passed to Children

Sleep is natural. Everyone is born knowing how to do it. And yet, so many of us struggle—night after night, year after year.

One thing I see again and again is that adults with sleep anxiety often pass it, unintentionally, to their children. Parents tell me things like, “I’m afraid of not sleeping,” or “I can’t fall asleep without someone in the room.” Almost always, their children struggle too—sometimes needing someone nearby, sometimes resisting bedtime altogether. Kids are sensitive little mirrors. They absorb our habits, our anxieties, our fears. And sleep is no exception.

Take Fay, one of my first clients. She was 53, a highly successful graphics designer, with a large family living in Israel. From our first session, she kept saying, “My sleep is broken. I don’t have the tools to sleep.” And it struck me immediately: sleep isn’t a tool. It’s natural.

Fay had been taking Ambien for over ten years. Night after night, she relied on it just to fall asleep, terrified of being awake, exhausted, and anxious. The pills were a crutch, but she hated the dependence—they made her feel less in control, less herself. She came to me desperate to reclaim her sleep, to find peace at bedtime without relying on medication.

Through our hypnosis sessions, we explored her thoughts, emotions, and fears. And then she shared something deeply personal. As a child, Fay had heard her mother cry herself to sleep night after night. Her mother had endured unimaginable trauma—her father had been gunned down in front of her when she was just a child. She moved to a foreign country, built a family, and tried to create a safe life, but along the way, she lost her natural ability to sleep. She relied on sleeping pills, and the memory of her mother’s tears became Fay’s nightly soundtrack. Night after night, she lay in bed, hearing the quiet sobs of the woman who was supposed to feel safe and calm, absorbing her mother’s pain and fear.

For Fay, bedtime became a battlefield between exhaustion and anxiety. Sleep was supposed to be restful, but it carried echoes of loss, trauma, and fear she had never known how to release. That memory stayed with her into adulthood, shaping her expectations of sleep and fueling a deep sense that her rest was “broken” or unattainable.

This is where patterns of sleep anxiety can be passed down. Children notice everything—the tension, the fear, the tossing and turning—even when we think we’re hiding it. Sleep anxiety can ripple across generations without anyone realizing it.

The good news is this can change. Fay’s journey shows that, with guidance, emotional work, and consistent strategies, sleep anxiety can be released. Over time, she let go of her reliance on Ambien and reclaimed her natural ability to fall asleep and stay asleep—without fear or pills.

Fay’s transformation wasn’t just about sleep—it was about freedom. Freedom from tension that had been silently handed down from one generation to the next. Freedom to trust her body and mind. Freedom to model calm, healthy sleep habits for her children.

Our children are always watching, feeling, and absorbing. Awareness is the first step toward change. By recognizing our own struggles and taking intentional steps to reclaim natural sleep, we not only heal ourselves—we protect the next generation.

Sleep is natural. Sleep is healing. Sleep is for everyone, no matter what your past looks like or what patterns you’ve inherited.

If you’re noticing sleep anxiety in yourself or your children, or if you’ve been struggling with insomnia for years like Fay, you can explore your next steps here: https://calendly.com/chevymermelstein/30.

And if you want to understand more about the signs of insomnia and whether it might be affecting you, check out my blog: How Do I Know if I Have Insomnia?. Recognizing these signs is an important first step toward reclaiming peaceful, restorative sleep.

Sleep doesn’t have to be a struggle. It’s natural, it’s healing, and it’s something you can regain—no matter your past or what patterns you’ve inherited. The journey to sleep freedom is possible, and it starts with awareness and gentle, consistent support.