My Own Coaching Experience: What You Really Get When You Work With Me

A while back, I signed up for a business coaching program.

I paid big bucks. 

I was promised massive results. 

And because I’m a hard worker, I showed up fully and diligently worked my way through the course.

On paper, it should have worked.

But it didn’t.

And looking back now, the most painful part of that experience wasn’t the money.

Not everyone thrives in every program — I understand that. Sometimes you do the work and things still don’t click. That’s life.

What hurt was something else entirely.

When Support Looks Good… But Feels Empty

The structure was simple: I could send voice notes to the expert anytime. And at first, that felt reassuring.

But I quickly realized something important — not everything can be explained in a voice note.

When we did meet, I felt rushed.

He kept using words like “breakthrough.” 

Everyone else seemed to understand what that meant.

I didn’t.

And I was too overwhelmed to even ask.

I was in a vulnerable place when I signed up. I needed clarity, presence, and guidance — not pressure to “level up” when I didn’t yet know where I was standing.

Looking back, I also wasn’t ready for that program.

Not emotionally.

Not practically.

Not developmentally.

And that’s something an experienced coach should be able to notice — and be honest about.

Sometimes the most ethical thing a coach can say is: “This isn’t the right time for you.”

The Silence That Hurt the Most

After three painful months, I hit burnout.

I reached out and said I needed to take a break.

And then… silence.

No check-in. 

No “How are you doing?”

No follow-up.

Not even just being a mentch.

That silence stayed with me.

Not because I expected anything dramatic — but because when someone is vulnerable, showing basic care matters.

The Question That Changed Everything

As painful as that chapter was, it forced me to ask a question that shaped everything I do today:

What kind of coach do I want to be? And more importantly — how do I want people to feel when they work with me?

Because coaching isn’t just tools, strategies, or impressive language.

It’s presence. 

It’s honesty. 

It’s knowing when to lean in — and when to step back.

Integrity in Action

Just today, I received a call from a mom.

I’ve been working with her daughter for the past three weeks. The mom originally reached out for help with social anxiety. While that’s not exactly my field, she felt strongly that my personality and approach would work well with her daughter.

I was clear from the start. I said, “Let’s do a four-week package, and then we’ll reassess.”

As we worked together, it became clear that this child wasn’t just dealing with social anxiety. She is struggling with severe OCD — something that is not my area of expertise.

I had a choice.

I could have continued.

I could have taken the money. 

I could have made minimal progress and justified it.

But I’ve been on the other side of that.

So instead, I referred her to a colleague who specializes in OCD.

Because I care about this child.

Because she deserves the right help.

Because being a mentch matters more than holding onto a client.

What You Actually Get When You Work With Me

When you work with me, you don’t get:

• Buzzwords without explanations

• Pressure to “break through” before you’re ready

• Being left alone when things feel hard

  
  

You do get:

• Clear, grounded guidance

• Honest conversations — even when the answer isn’t convenient

• A coach who checks in

• Someone who knows when to help, and when to refer

  
  

Coaching, especially around anxiety and sleep, requires safety. And without safety, real change doesn’t happen.

It’s Not Always About the Money

That painful experience years ago shaped the coach I am today.

It taught me that integrity matters more than income. 

That presence matters more than promises. 

And that sometimes, the most powerful support you can offer is honesty.

At the end of the day, the kind of coach I strive to be is simple:

Skilled. 

Present. 

And a mentch.

If you’re curious what it’s like to work with someone who shows up, cares, and truly meets you where you are, I’d love to connect.

You can schedule a 30-minute conversation here: https://calendly.com/chevymermelstein/30min

And if you’re interested in learning more about the journey of healing and growth at your own pace, check out a previous blog I wrote: Why Healing Isn’t a Race: The Sleep Coaching Journey You Live