One Doctor, One Answer… And Why Sleep Coaching Goes Beyond That

Even after graduation and becoming a certified sleep coach, one of the things I love most about this field is that we never stop learning. Every week, we hop on Zoom with our mentor, hear from guest speakers, and walk away with new tools and new perspectives. Sleep coaching isn’t a static profession—it’s alive, growing, and constantly evolving. Honestly? Some weeks it feels like we’re all still students… just students who drink more coffee and have far less patience for sleepless nights.

This week, our guest was Dr. Donskoy, a pediatric sleep expert from Chicago who works with children with ADHD and ASD. And she started off with something simple but so true: these children usually struggle with one of two things—

 1) Falling asleep

 2) Staying asleep

That’s it. Two problems, but oh boy… each one can take over a family’s entire life.

She also explained something important: for sleep to happen, melatonin needs to rise in the evening and serotonin needs to lower. And while nothing is fully proven yet, researchers suspect that some kids with ADHD or ASD might have differences in how melatonin rises.

Okay, all great. All important. All helpful.

And then she said something that made me stop.

She only had ONE main tool to offer.

Her big solution was essentially CBT-I—specifically, tracking when a child actually falls asleep, then adjusting bedtime to match their real sleep time. In simple terms, figuring out when the child actually drifts off and putting them to bed then, instead of letting them lie awake for hours, bored, frustrated, and suddenly very interested in the ceiling.

And listen—this makes total sense! I see this all the time. Parents put all their kids to bed at 7:30pm, whether they’re tired or not. And for some kids, it works. But many lie there wide awake until 9:30 or 10, whispering “I’m not tired,” kicking the blanket, suddenly remembering every animal  fact from age five, or discovering their long-lost passion for shadow puppets.

So yes, matching bedtime to real sleep time is a smart move.

But here’s the part I couldn’t shake:

What happens when that child goes to bed later… and STILL lies there for hours?

What happens when the racing thoughts show up? 

What happens when anxiety takes center stage?

 What happens when their heart beats fast and their mind refuses to slow down?

Moving bedtime later doesn’t magically erase anxiety. It just moves the anxiety to 9:45 instead of 7:45.

And this is where sleep coaching branches out into a whole different world.

Because when anxiety is driving the insomnia, CBT-I alone is not enough.

And honestly? Dr. Donskoy was surprised—in a good way—when we shared the variety of tools we use in our coaching program. She wanted to hear more. Because this is exactly where sleep coaching becomes powerful. We don’t rely on one method. We don’t squeeze every client into the same box. We don’t assume the answer is just “push bedtime later.”

Our toolbox is different. Bigger. More human. More flexible.

In my coaching practice, I never rely on just one approach. Some clients need NATTO — not attached to the outcome — to finally let go of the pressure that keeps their bodies wired. Others respond beautifully to ACT-inspired work, learning how to stop wrestling with their thoughts and instead make space for them. For many anxious sleepers, the real shift comes from gentle exposure tools that slowly rewrite their relationship with nighttime, or even hypnosis, which quiets a racing mind in ways simple logic never could. And yes—sometimes we do use CBT-I when it fits, when it actually supports the person rather than stressing them out more. The magic isn’t in choosing “the right method.” It’s in knowing the human in front of me and blending what they need so their body and mind can finally exhale.

And let’s talk for a moment about “sleep restriction”…

Or what Dr. Donskoy described—figuring out when a child actually falls asleep and shifting bedtime to match that reality.

It works because it reduces the time someone lies awake in bed, which helps rebuild the brain’s association with sleep.

But it can be unbelievably hard for parents because:

1) You’re basically asking a child who’s already melting down with exhaustion to stay up even later. This does not create peaceful evenings. At all.

2) And you’re asking parents to give up their one tiny sliver of quiet at the end of the day. The sacred moment when the house is finally calm and you can sit for three seconds without someone asking for water.

So yes—this method can help. But it’s not the full picture. And it absolutely doesn’t help the child (or adult!) whose brain is buzzing the second the lights go out.

Because here’s the truth most people miss:

Most of my clients—kids AND moms—don’t struggle because they need a different bedtime.

 They struggle because their minds won’t calm down. 

Because the thoughts don’t stop.

 Because pressure, fear, and perfectionism sneak into the room the second they lie down.

And anxiety doesn’t care if bedtime is 7:30 or 10:15.

This is why one tool is never enough.

Sleep coaching has to meet the human—not the clock.

And that’s what makes our program unique. We aren’t limited to a single method. We’re trained to think creatively, compassionately, and holistically. And because of that, we help people who have tried everything… people who feel stuck… people who have been told “this is just how it is.”

If you want to understand sleep from the basics, I wrote a great piece about it here: 👉 Sleep Hygiene Without the Rules

And if you’re reading this thinking, “This is my child… or this is ME”… then let’s talk.

You don’t need to suffer through long nights. You don’t need to figure this out alone. And you definitely don’t need to rely on one tool when there is a whole toolbox waiting for you.

➡️ Book a free 30-minute call with me: https://calendly.com/chevymermelstein/30min

Let’s get you real sleep—not just later bedtimes.

 The kind of sleep that comes from calm, confidence, and actual nervous-system relief.