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Why Trying Too Hard to Sleep Can Keep You Awake
6 a.m. I was wide awake. And my first thought was, “Yep. I told you so.”
Let me back up.
The night before Yom Kippur, I was getting ready for bed and thinking how nice it would be if I could sleep a little later than usual the next morning. It was a fast day. I didn’t have to get up early. Wouldn’t it be amazing if I could just sleep?
Then my brain did what brains sometimes do.
Watch. This will be the morning I wake up at 5 a.m.
I was so convinced that this was probably going to happen that I actually put two magazines next to my bed. Just in case.
Which, looking back, is kind of funny. Nothing had happened yet. I hadn’t had a bad night. There was literally no sleep problem. But in my head, I was already preparing for one.
And sure enough, at 6 a.m., my eyes opened. Wide awake.
See? I knew it.
It was almost like I had proven my own theory.
And yes, I’m a sleep coach. I know better. I teach this. And I still caught myself doing exactly what I talk about with my clients all the time.
I had made sleep into a whole thing
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a good night’s sleep. The problem starts when the wanting quietly turns into needing.
I really need to sleep tonight. I have such a big day tomorrow. I need eight hours. I can’t wake up again at 3 a.m.
Before we know it, something our bodies naturally know how to do has become something we’re monitoring and trying to accomplish.
Sleep really doesn’t like being given a job.
That morning, though, I didn’t lie there trying to make myself fall back asleep. I reached over, picked up one of my magazines and started reading.
I wasn’t reading as a sleep strategy. I wasn’t checking whether my eyes were getting heavy. I had basically decided, Okay. So I’m awake.
Somewhere in the middle of an article, I fell asleep.
When I opened my eyes again, it was 10 a.m.
I had to laugh.
The minute I stopped trying to sleep, sleep came
That’s what so many people don’t realize about sleep. Sometimes trying harder to sleep is actually part of what keeps us awake.
There’s pressure attached to I HAVE to sleep. There’s an outcome we’re waiting for, and we’re watching ourselves to see whether it’s happening yet.
That morning, I stopped needing anything from sleep. I was awake, and for that moment, I was okay with being awake.
My body did what it knew how to do.
It slept.
Knowing this and actually doing it are two different things
Maybe that’s one of the reasons I understand this so well when I see it with my clients.
You know that worrying about sleep isn’t helpful. You know that staring at the clock isn't helping. You can know that telling yourself I need to sleep right now is adding pressure.
And you can still find yourself doing it.
I did.
Knowing you shouldn’t put pressure on sleep and actually knowing how to take that pressure off are two very different things.
Taking the pressure off doesn’t mean you don’t care whether you sleep. Of course you care. You’re tired. You want to feel good tomorrow.
It means being able to get to:
Okay. I’m awake right now. And I don’t have to solve that.
So if you’re reading this after another difficult night, or you’re already worrying about how you’re going to sleep tonight, pay attention to the conversation happening in your head.
Have you already decided what tonight is going to look like? Are you already predicting 2 a.m.? Are you already calculating tomorrow?
Maybe you don’t need another sleep trick tonight.
Maybe you need a little less pressure.
And if you need me, I’ll be here.
Apparently with two magazines next to my bed.
Missed a blog?https://www.chevymermelsteinsleepcoach.org/post/is-insomnia-dangerous-understanding-the-fear-behind-sleepless-nights
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