If It Doesn’t Challenge You, It Doesn’t Change You: How Acceptance Can Transform Your Sleep

The other day I was walking past a gym, and a sign caught my eye: “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.”

At first, I laughed—because who hasn’t felt that while sweating through a workout? But then it hit me: this isn’t just about exercise. It’s about sleep.

When it comes to insomnia, the greatest challenge isn’t lying awake at night. It’s learning to accept it.

The Battle We Fight With Ourselves

Most people think insomnia is some outside invader, something foreign that’s taken over their body. That belief creates anger, frustration, and a constant fight. But here’s the truth: insomnia isn’t separate from you—it’s you.

That means all the frustration you feel is actually directed inward. It becomes an internal battle. And when we’re at war with ourselves, nobody wins. The body stays tense, the mind stays on alert, and the cycle of sleeplessness continues.

Why Acceptance Feels Impossible

Acceptance sounds simple—but in reality, it’s the hardest thing to do. Many people tell me, “If I accept this, that means I’m giving in. It means I’ll never sleep again.”

But that’s the biggest misunderstanding.

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It means releasing the fight. It means telling your subconscious mind, “You don’t need to protect me anymore. I’m safe.”

Here’s the twist: once your mind believes you’re safe, it no longer needs to stay alert. The tension drops, the fear quiets, and sleep finally has space to return.

Acceptance Is Not Surrender—It’s Recovery

Think of it like this: every time you fight insomnia, you’re sending danger signals to your subconscious. Your brain thinks you’re in trouble, so it does what it’s wired to do—keep you awake and alert.

When you accept, you’re saying, “There is no danger here.” That’s when the system calms down.

Acceptance isn’t giving in—it’s recovery. It’s the challenge that leads to change. By shifting your mindset, you relax your mind and body, and then sleep can finally come.

A Softer, Kinder Approach

Most of us are incredibly hard on ourselves—critical, rigid, demanding. Insomnia can actually be an invitation to do things differently: to soften, to be kinder, to show ourselves gentleness instead of anger.

When you start to accept what’s happening instead of fighting it, you don’t just sleep better—you live better. You change how you handle fear, how you handle stress, how you treat yourself.

A Real-Life Example of Challenge Leading to Change

I’ve been working with a client off and on for the past couple of years. She came to me desperate after giving birth to her first baby—insomnia had overtaken her life. Over time, through personalized strategies, patience, and acceptance, she made incredible progress and became insomnia-free.

A year later, just seven weeks postpartum, she called again. This time it wasn’t so much that she couldn’t sleep—it was the fear of not sleeping. We met weekly for a couple of months, and these sessions weren’t about fixing sleep; they were about providing support for her mind, a safe place to unburden herself.

At our last session, she shared something that stuck with me:

“I don’t wish this on anyone, but I have grown tremendously from this experience. I’m a better wife, mother, and therapist. This challenge changed me.”

Her story perfectly embodies the truth behind that gym sign I passed years ago: “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.” Insomnia wasn’t just a struggle—it was a catalyst for growth, teaching her acceptance, resilience, and self-compassion.

The Challenge Worth Taking

So the next time you feel yourself panicking in the night, remember: acceptance is not defeat. It is strength. It is the doorway to peace, to healing, and yes—to sleep.

Your mind doesn’t need to fight anymore. Your subconscious doesn’t need to protect you. By letting go of the struggle, you take the hardest step—the step that changes everything.

And that’s exactly why insomnia, as challenging as it feels, can ultimately transform you, if you allow yourself to meet it with acceptance. If you ever feel like you are in the insomnia fight, battling your way through each night, let’s talk—it might be all that you need: someone who doesn’t judge. You can book a complimentary call here: https://calendly.com/chevymermelstein/30min. And don’t forget to check out my blog on the stages of insomnia to better understand the journey and how to move forward.