Postpartum Insomnia: When Sleep Feels Impossible and You’re Barely Holding It Together

Amy’s baby is almost ten months old.

When she reached out to me, she barely made it through saying hello before dissolving into tears. Not dramatic tears. Quiet, exhausted tears. The kind that comes  from holding yourself together for too long when everything already feels fragile.

Amy is navigating postpartum depression. She’s on medication. She recently separated from her husband. She’s living in her mother’s basement because being alone with her baby feels overwhelming right now. She had to give up her job. And even the smallest decision — what to eat, when to shower, how to get through the next hour — feels like climbing Mount Everest.

And then there’s sleep.

She said something I hear from so many postpartum mothers: "If I could just sleep better, I think I’d have more clarity to handle everything else."

She’s not wrong.

Postpartum Insomnia Is More Common Than We Talk About

Postpartum insomnia is incredibly common — and often misunderstood.

Research suggests that up to 60–80% of women experience significant sleep disruption in the first year postpartum, and for many, sleep struggles continue well beyond the newborn stage. Even when babies start sleeping longer stretches, mothers often don’t.

This isn’t because something is “wrong” with you.

It’s not because you’re failing.

And it’s not because you’re not trying hard enough.

Postpartum insomnia happens because so much is happening at once.

Why Sleep Becomes So Fragile After Birth

Sleep struggles are rarely about just one thing. They usually come from a combination of physical, emotional, and neurological factors.

Some of the most common contributors include:

• Hormonal shifts After birth, estrogen and progesterone drop dramatically. These hormones play a role in mood regulation, anxiety levels, and sleep quality.

  
  

• A nervous system stuck in protection mode Even when your baby is asleep, your body may feel like it needs to stay alert. This is especially true for mothers experiencing anxiety or depression.

  
  

• Emotional overload and life stress Relationship changes, identity shifts, financial stress, or moving homes can all keep the mind active at night.

  
  

• Postpartum depression or anxiety These don’t only affect daytime mood. They directly impact nighttime calm, thought loops, and the ability to settle.

  
  

• Medication Medication can absolutely affect sleep — its depth, continuity, and quality. Acknowledging this honestly matters, without shame or blame.

  
  

For Amy, several of these were true at the same time. And that matters.

Help Doesn’t Have to Wait — and You Don’t Have to Fight Your Nights

Many postpartum mothers believe they need to wait until their sleep improves before they can feel steadier, clearer, or more like themselves again.

But help doesn’t have to wait for perfect sleep.

Support can begin even when insomnia is still present. Even when medication is part of the picture. Even when the nights feel unpredictable.

For many women, the hardest part of postpartum insomnia isn’t just being awake — it’s the fight. The tension. The fear of having another bad night. The pressure of “what if tonight is the same?” The frustration of feeling trapped in a dark tunnel with no clear end.

That constant internal battle keeps the nervous system on high alert.

And when we remove the fight — when we soften the fear and ease the pressure — something important shifts. The body begins to feel safer. The mind quiets more easily. And sleep often becomes more accessible, without force.

You don’t have to push yourself. You don’t have to fix your sleep overnight. And you don’t have to do this alone.

What We Look At Together

When I work with postpartum mothers, we don’t start with rules, schedules, or strict sleep strategies.

Instead, we gently explore the thoughts and feelings that are keeping sleep out of reach. We look at things like:

• How your mind talks at night and the “what if” thoughts that pop up as soon as you lie down

• The fear of being awake and how your body responds

• The pressure of needing sleep to be fixed right now

  
  

One important idea many mothers discover is that letting go doesn’t mean giving up. Letting go simply means softening the fight against the night and easing the tension that keeps the body alert. Even while sleep isn’t perfect, support and calm can enter, and your nervous system can begin to relax.

By gently examining these patterns together, mothers often feel safer, calmer, and more supported, even before their sleep fully improves. That sense of peace is the first step toward clarity, emotional strength, and eventually, more restful nights.

Why Peace Matters So Much in Postpartum Insomnia

When a mother is exhausted, emotionally raw, and already stretched thin, more advice can feel impossible to implement.

But peace is different.

Peace doesn’t require effort. It doesn’t require doing anything “right.” It allows the nervous system to soften — even if sleep is still inconsistent.

This is especially important for postpartum mothers who feel like they’re constantly bracing themselves for the night.

When we reduce the fear around sleep, the body no longer has to stay on guard. And when the body feels safer, sleep has a better chance to return — gradually, gently, and naturally.

Postpartum Insomnia Is Not a Life Sentence

Postpartum insomnia can feel endless when you’re in it.

Nights blend together.

Exhaustion clouds everything.

And it can start to feel like this is just how life will be now.

But it doesn’t have to stay this way.

With the right kind of support — gentle, compassionate, and pressure-free — sleep can improve. Clarity can return. The heaviness can begin to lift.

Even if you feel like you’re drowning — even if you’re on medication that you can’t come off — you can still get help. You can still find relief, calm, and a path toward better sleep.

If you feel like this is your season, you can start with a free 30-minute consultation: Book here

And if you want to read more about postpartum nights and why sleep feels impossible after having a baby, check out my previous blog: Why Can’t I Sleep After Having a Baby? The Quiet Pain of Postpartum Nights