Top 10 Patterns I Saw in Clients This December

December was revealing. Working with clients this month, certain patterns kept showing up again and again. Some are obvious, some are subtle, but all of them tell the same story: real change isn’t instant, and the journey is often deeper than people expect.

Here’s what I saw most often:

1. The pressure of “I need this fixed NOW!”

Insomnia didn’t start last night. Many clients come desperate for a quick fix, and that pressure often creates more stress than relief.

For example, an older single woman deep in a shidduch hadn’t slept in two years. She walked in feeling desperate, convinced this had to be “fixed” immediately. Over several sessions, she began to realize that sleep and emotional healing are processes, not instant switches. The moment she let go of the frantic pressure, the path to improvement actually opened up faster. Sometimes, slowing down accelerates progress more than pushing harder ever could.

2.  What do I really want? That’s a big one!

When I ask clients what they want, almost all say: sleep. But the deeper question is: what will sleep give you? How will your life change if you could rest deeply?

Processing this takes time. One client reflected that better sleep might mean she could engage with her family without snapping, focus at work without anxiety, or feel alive instead of numb. Sleep isn’t the surface goal—it’s the door to living fully. Helping clients explore this deeper “why” often uncovers hopes, fears, and long-held dreams that have been quietly buried.

3. Perfectionism

Perfectionism shows up as constant self-criticism and exhaustion. The message running in the background is always: nothing is ever enough.

I recently worked with a 19-year-old school teacher whose homework was simply to prepare for a reasonable amount of time and then put her work away. For her, “good enough” was almost impossible. “I feel like I’m failing if I don’t perfect everything,” she admitted. Learning to let go, even slightly, brings freedom. Each small release is a triumph, and every tiny step away from perfectionism can create relief, rest, and space for joy.

4. Being okay with saying no

Many clients live under the weight of expectations—both their own and what they believe others expect. Learning to say no often feels radical.

I asked one client to pause and consider: Is this what I really want? Whose expectations am I honoring here? The answers are often revealing. Saying no isn’t rejection; it’s self-preservation. Over time, clients report feeling lighter, more empowered, and more present for the things that truly matter to them.

5. Needing to control everything

Insomnia can make clients feel like they’ve lost control over the one thing they most want—sleep. The natural response is to try to control everything else: schedules, routines, people, even the environment.

One client shared, “I feel like if I control it all, maybe I won’t feel helpless.” Ironically, the more control they try to exert, the more tension builds, making sleep harder to reach. Learning to loosen the grip is difficult but transformative. Accepting uncertainty while taking small, intentional steps toward flexibility often opens the door to calm, rest, and clarity.

6. A shrinking world

Almost every client I see is surviving rather than truly living. Life becomes about getting through the day. Opportunities are declined, social interactions are avoided, and the world slowly shrinks.

One client admitted, “I feel like my life is just a bubble, barely enough to survive each day.” Recognizing this pattern is painful but necessary. Expanding one’s world—even incrementally—can bring renewed energy, hope, and connection. When the world grows larger, so does the capacity to experience joy, satisfaction, and meaningful sleep.

7. OCD, ruminating thoughts, or a racing mind

Clients often describe their minds as a hamster wheel—constant, exhausting, inescapable. Danielle described hers as spinning so fast she felt she was losing her mind.

Ruminating thoughts aren’t just tiring—they can feel like they take over identity, energy, and hope. Helping clients notice these patterns, without judgment or immediate action, is often the first breakthrough. Awareness allows them to step off the wheel, even briefly, creating moments of relief and space for rest.

8. Sadness—they aren’t truly living

Many clients arrive carrying deep sadness, not realizing it has quietly taken over their lives. They feel broken, hopeless, or stuck.

By the time Sherry walked through my doors, she was at her last resort. She had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars seeing nine different therapists and doctors across North America, and nothing truly helped. She felt broken, sad, and penniless. Working with her meant first acknowledging the depth of her pain and validating her experience. Once this sadness was faced, even small steps forward felt monumental —she began to reclaim life, energy, and hope she hadn’t felt in years.

9. Being in victim mode

Many clients feel like bad things always happen to them, as if life is a series of obstacles beyond their control.

Sara, a client in England, married for five years and working only a couple of hours a week, resisted every suggestion to expand her life—volunteering, socializing, cooking. “I can’t; it’s too much for me,” she said repeatedly. This mindset is comforting in a strange way; it keeps people in a familiar narrative. Breaking out of victim mode takes patience, validation, and small, manageable challenges that build confidence and agency.

10. Acceptance—the biggest one

Sleep itself isn’t the problem; it’s natural. Real change comes when clients accept their current state and are open to doing the hard work.

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It means noticing thoughts, emotions, and patterns without judgment, and choosing to engage with them intentionally. One client said, “I finally understood that I wasn’t broken; I just had to be willing to face what was underneath.” This openness to change is often the turning point. Once acceptance is in place, sleep naturally follows, and clients experience the deep, restorative rest they’ve been craving.

For more on the emotional side of recovery — especially how acceptance, not resistance, opens the door to real healing — check out my previous blog: Can I Heal From Insomnia? Why You Don’t Have to Like the Struggle to Recover.

Final thoughts

Some of these patterns might feel familiar. Some might surprise you. Which one jumped out at you today? Awareness is often the first step toward real transformation.

If you’re ready to explore what might be quietly running under the surface in your life and reclaim restful sleep, you can book a complimentary 30-minute session here: https://calendly.com/chevymermelstein/30min.