What Is Insomnia, Anyway?

(The real answers to the questions you’ve been silently asking yourself at 2 a.m.)

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably wondered:

• Why can’t I sleep?

• Do I have insomnia?

• Is something wrong with me?

• Why did my sleep fall apart months after everything seemed fine?

  
  

You’re not alone. These are some of the most common insomnia questions I hear — and once you understand what insomnia really is, a lot of the fear, shame, and frustration starts to lift.

Insomnia Isn’t the Problem — It’s the Outcome

Insomnia is not the problem. It’s the outcome. It’s not a flaw, a defect, or a skill you lost. Insomnia is usually a response to life experiences, nervous system patterns, stress, or emotions that haven’t been fully processed.

Your body and mind are signaling: “Something is unresolved here, and I need to pay attention.” The good news? Responses can be changed. Healing is possible.

Does Insomnia Run in Families?

Take Fay, a 55‑year-old grandmother of five. She hasn’t slept well since her teens. She shared a room with her sisters, all of whom also struggled to sleep. On the surface, it looked like insomnia was “in the family.”

But it wasn’t genetics — it was experience.

Fay’s mother witnessed her father being gunned down as a teenager in the 1960s. That trauma was never processed — it was a taboo subject in their home. Later, her mother relied on multiple sleeping pills, and sometimes, when they didn’t work, she would cry herself to sleep from sheer exhaustion.

Fay remembers lying awake as a child, hearing her mother’s muffled sobs and feeling that tension in the air. She didn’t understand it at the time, but her body learned: sleep is hard, sleep is something to fear. It wasn’t about genetics — it was about what her nervous system absorbed and internalized over years of observing fear, exhaustion, and anxiety around sleep.

“Even now,” Fay reflects, “I see how my body was trained to stay alert at night. Sleep felt unsafe for decades.”

Why Life Looks Fine, But Sleep Doesn’t: Bayla’s Story

Bayla, age 27, had been dating on and off for nearly ten years and felt like she was “doing okay.” At her nephew’s wedding, she was truly happy for the couple. On the surface, everything seemed fine.

But deep down, Bayla had buried emotions about being single at 27. She had been telling herself she was confident, independent, and happy — but the truth her nervous system knew was different. Sleep became the place where those emotions finally surfaced. Months later, insomnia began — a physical reminder that she hadn’t fully processed what she had been holding inside.

Life looks fine. Everything seems happy. But the body and mind are quietly working through unresolved experiences — and insomnia is often where those unresolved emotions first appear.

Is Something Actually Wrong With Me?

Here’s the reassurance: You are not broken.

Insomnia doesn’t mean your brain or body is defective. Sleep isn’t a skill you lost — it’s something your nervous system allows when it feels safe. When sleep doesn’t come naturally, it’s usually your body signaling that something hasn’t been processed yet — emotions, experiences, or stresses that your mind pushed aside.

I Used to Sleep Fine — What Happened?

Many people used to sleep effortlessly. Then one day, they can’t remember the last time they slept through the night.

This is part of the unprocessed experiences we all carry. Life doesn’t need to be tragic or overwhelming for insomnia to appear. Even subtle, long-held stressors can disrupt sleep.

The key to healing isn’t fighting sleep or “trying harder.” It’s diving into the root cause — exploring what your mind and body have been holding onto and why your nervous system is stuck in alert mode.

Why Did Insomnia Start Months After Something Happened?

Many people experience insomnia long after life seems “normal.” The nervous system doesn’t always release tension immediately. It absorbs and holds until it can’t anymore — then insomnia appears.

• The nervous system can carry tension for weeks, months, or even years.

• Sometimes insomnia begins after a happy event, a life milestone, or even a “normal” day.

• Sleep becomes the place where emotions, tension, or stress finally surface.

  
  

This is why someone can feel fine during a stressful period and start struggling months later. Your nervous system simply waited until it could no longer hold the tension silently.

So What Is Insomnia Really?

• 🔥 Insomnia is not a flaw. It’s a protective pattern.

• It’s your nervous system signaling that something hasn’t been fully processed — emotions, experiences, or stressors.

• Two people in identical situations can have completely different sleep patterns.

• Because insomnia is an outcome, it can be changed. Your natural, restorative sleep can return.

  
  

For a deeper dive on this, check out my previous blog: Why Can’t I Sleep: The 4 Stages of Insomnia and How to Move Forward.

If You’ve Read This Far…

Chances are:

✔ you’ve been struggling with sleep for a long time

✔ you’ve tried everything — books, apps, routines — and still feel overwhelmed

✔ you either know the root cause or don’t yet, which can make insomnia feel impossible

Here’s what you need to know:

You are not broken. Sleep is natural, and you deserve to get it back.

If you want help getting to the bottom of what’s driving your insomnia — someone to ask the right questions, listen, and guide you toward real sleep again — I’m here.

📅 Schedule a 1:1 session with me: https://calendly.com/chevymermelstein/30min

You don’t have to figure it out alone. Relief is possible. Peaceful sleep is possible.

Final Takeaway

Insomnia isn’t a defect. It’s a signal — your body and mind telling you that something has been unprocessed, buried, or unresolved. The key isn’t fighting sleep — it’s understanding and releasing what your nervous system has been holding.

When you do that, the natural, restorative sleep you’ve been missing can finally come back.