When a Great Sleeper Suddenly Can’t Sleep (Part 1)

Every parent knows the feeling: that mix of pride, hope, and a tiny bit of terror when a child starts a new school year. New building, new boys, new schedule… and in this case, for my 13-year-old son, a schedule that would make a grown adult want a nap by 11 AM.

This year he began a demanding new zman. He needs to be out of the house by 6:30 AM and doesn’t walk back in until 6 PM. He gets one hour — one — to breathe, eat, reset, and pretend he has a normal life. Then he goes back out to learn again and finally returns close to 10 PM.

And here’s the thing about my Moishe: He has always been a fantastic sleeper. One of those kids who read a bit, listens to music, closes his eyes, and boom — gone. No drama, no checking the clock, no calling me in twenty times.

He’s the type of kid sleep coaches dream about raising.

So imagine my surprise — not panic, not worry, just honest surprise — when a few days into the new zman he walks over and says, “Ma, I can’t fall asleep. I’m up and I see the clock at 1 AM.”

At first, I wasn’t concerned. Anyone would struggle with a schedule like his. A new building, new faces, new dynamics, and a body learning a whole routine it never signed up for.

I told him exactly what I tell parents every day: 

“It’s perfectly normal. Your mind and body need time to adjust.”

He nodded and went to bed.

And honestly? I thought that was the end of it.

The Moment Everything Shifted

A few days later, he brings it up again. But this time, he adds a little sentence — and this sentence is the part that stopped me in my tracks.

He says:

"When Chaim started yeshiva, didn’t he also have a hard time falling asleep? Isn’t that when he started melatonin? Maybe that’s what I need…?"

I froze. Internally. 

On the outside, I stayed calm, casual, and very “experienced sleep coach mother who doesn’t freak out.”

But inside? I felt something click.

Because here’s what really happened:

My son watched his older brother go through a rough sleep transition years ago.

 He saw melatonin.

 He heard me record something helpful for Chaim. 

He saw a “story” forming — not consciously, but deeply.

And now? 

His brain connected the dots that didn’t even belong together.

New long hours + Yeshiva = a person who can’t sleep without help.

Not because it’s true.

Not because he’s struggling. 

Not because anything is wrong with him.

But because his mind borrowed a script from a memory that had nothing to do with him.

Do you know how powerful that is?

We think children don’t notice things. 

We think they don’t remember. 

We think their thoughts don’t form complicated beliefs.

Oh, but they do.

Kids absorb everything: the tone, the story, the vibe, the patterns, the whispered fears, the things we don’t even realize they’re watching.

And here was my son, a deep sleeper by nature, now convinced that he suddenly “had a sleep problem.”

The Power of Belief (Especially at 13)

As a sleep coach, I see this every day in adults. But watching it happen in my own child — with a belief so innocent and so believable — reminded me how quickly the mind can trick the body.

We tell our minds something, and our bodies simply follow instructions.

You tell yourself you can’t sleep? Your body cooperates.

You tell yourself melatonin is the only answer? Suddenly your body “forgets” how to settle without it.

Your mind whispers, "This is too much, you can’t handle these hours," and your body says, "Okay, I won’t."

But here’s the truth:

Moishe is — and always was — a great sleeper. Nothing changed… except his belief.

And belief is a powerful thing.

A Parenting Moment That Shook Me a Little

I’ll be honest: 

When he said the melatonin part, something in me tightened.

Not fear.

Not worry. 

Just this deep awareness of how quickly kids absorb a narrative that doesn’t belong to them.

And I also had a flashback to something every mother knows too well:

When one child goes through something, the others are silently collecting pieces of that story …storing it …building interpretations …and sometimes, attaching those interpretations to themselves.

He didn’t remember the full context of his brother’s journey. He remembered only the highlights:

• Yeshiva = hard to fall asleep

• Hard to fall asleep = melatonin

• Melatonin = solution

  
  

So now his mind crafted a new story:

 "I’m in yeshiva. I’m exhausted. I’m not falling asleep. This means I need melatonin too."

And when the mind believes something deeply enough… the body follows.

So what now?

That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?

What do you do when your own strong sleeper suddenly thinks he can’t sleep?

What do you do when the story your child absorbed is louder than the truth you know?

What does a sleep coach mother do when her perfectly capable 13-year-old is up at night, not because he physically can’t sleep, but because he believes he can’t?

This is the real heart of teen sleep struggles — it’s not always the body. Sometimes it’s the story.

But I didn’t answer him on the spot. 

I didn’t hand him melatonin.

 I didn’t jump to fix anything.

I just listened. And watched. And let the moment breathe.

Because I knew something important:

This wasn’t about melatonin. This was about belief.

And now you’re probably wondering what I told him… What I actually did… And how we helped him settle back into his natural, beautiful sleep rhythm.

So where do we go from here?

What does a sleep coach mother do when her own great sleeper suddenly thinks he needs melatonin?

I guess that’s tomorrow’s post.

If you're struggling with melatonin…

If you feel like you’re handing out melatonin like candy …and you’re starting to feel guilty …and you’re not sure how to stop…

Please book a complimentary call: 👉 https://calendly.com/chevymermelstein/30min

You don’t need to figure this out alone.

And if you missed my full melatonin blog — the one everyone messages me about — here it is: 👉 https://www.chevymermelsteinsleepcoach.org/post/finally-answers-to-your-most-common-melatonin-questions-and-frustrations