Why “Am I Allowed To Sleep?” – The Surprising Sleep Questions I Heard at Chazkeinu.

chevy mermelstein
2 days ago
4 min read

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of women from Chazkeinu.

And something unexpected happened.

Usually, I come in, give a talk, share practical tools, and that’s it. Maybe there’s a quick moment for questions at the end.

This time was different.

The talk itself was actually the smallest part. The questions, that’s where everything opened up, it was beautiful to witness.

In those questions, I heard something I hear all the time… but never quite so clearly.

Over and over again, in different forms, the same theme came up:

Am I allowed to…?

Am I allowed to nap?

Should I be on my phone before bed?

If I can’t fall asleep, do I have to get out of bed?

Does it have to be exactly 20 minutes?

Do I have to go to sleep at a certain time?

Do I need to wake up at the same time every day

Even on weekends?

Am I allowed to drink coffee after 2pm?

So many questions.

So many rules.

So much pressure.

Underneath all of it, something deeper:

A feeling that there is a right way to sleep… And a fear of getting it wrong.

The Problem With Sleep Rules

We live in a world full of advice.

Search how to sleep better, and you’ll find endless lists:

Don’t nap
Always wake up at the same time
No screens before bed
Get out of bed if you’re awake for 20 minutes
No caffeine after 2pm

Now, are these suggestions helpful? Sometimes, yes.

But here’s where things start to go wrong:

These suggestions slowly turn into rules.

Rules create pressure.

Suddenly, instead of listening to your body, you’re constantly thinking:

Am I doing this right?
Did I mess up my sleep tonight?
Is this why I’m struggling to sleep?

That pressure alone can actually make sleep harder.

Because sleep doesn’t respond well to pressure.

Sleep Is Not a Formula

Sleep is natural.

It’s not a strict system where you follow steps 1 through 10 and automatically fall asleep.

It’s not like sitting down at 12:00 and expecting yourself to be hungry just because it’s lunchtime.

Your body doesn’t work that way.

Some nights you’re tired earlier. Some nights your mind is more active. Some days you need rest. Some days you don’t.

Sleep is influenced by your:

emotions
stress levels
physical state
environment
thoughts

Which means…

It cannot be reduced to a rigid set of rules that work perfectly every single night.

The Question That Changes Everything

So when people ask me: “Am I allowed to do this?”

My answer is always the same.

It usually surprises them.

“Is it working for you?”

That’s it.

Because that question brings you back to something much more important than rules:

Awareness.

Shifting From Rules to Awareness

Instead of asking: “Am I allowed to nap?”

Ask: “Does napping help me—or make my night worse?”

Instead of: “Do I have to go to sleep at 10?”

Ask: “Does going to sleep at 10 actually feel right for my body?”

Instead of: “Do I need to get out of bed after 20 minutes?”

Ask: “When I stay in bed, am I calm… or getting more frustrated?”

This is where the shift happens.

Because now, you’re no longer trying to follow a rule. You’re starting to understand yourself.

Real-Life Examples

Let’s take something simple—napping.

One person might take a 20-minute nap at 1:00 PM and feel refreshed, calm, and ready for the evening.

Another person might take the same nap and then lie awake at night, frustrated and restless.

So what’s the rule?

There isn’t one.

Or waking up in the middle of the night.

Some people can lie in bed, stay relaxed, and drift back to sleep naturally.

Others find that staying in bed creates tension, overthinking, and anxiety— and stepping out for a few minutes actually helps reset their system.

Again…

No rule.

Just awareness.

Why This Matters So Much

When you rely only on rules, you disconnect from your body.

You stop trusting yourself.

Sleep becomes something you try to control… instead of something you allow.

But when you shift into awareness:

You reduce pressure
You build trust with your body
You respond instead of react
You create conditions for natural sleep to happen

That’s the goal.

Not perfect sleep.

Not rule-based sleep.

Natural sleep.

A Simple Guiding Question

If there’s one thing to take from all of this, it’s this:

Whenever you’re unsure what to do, ask yourself:

“Is this bringing me closer to sleep… or further away?”

That’s your guide.

Not a rigid rule.

Not something you “should” do.

But a gentle check-in.

Final Thoughts

Maybe the goal isn’t to follow sleep rules perfectly.

Maybe the goal is to let go of them just enough to start listening again.

To your body. To your mind. To what actually works for you.

Here’s something important to consider:

Sometimes, it’s not the sleep itself that’s the problem.

It’s the pressure around it.

The constant thinking: Am I doing this right? Did I mess this up? Is this why I’m not sleeping?

We can become so focused on the rules, trying to get everything exactly right, that it actually creates the very thing we’re trying to avoid.

The stress. The tension. The anxiety.

Over time, life can start to feel smaller.

You hesitate before making simple choices.

You second-guess yourself.

You become afraid to step outside the “rules” in case it costs you your sleep.

But sleep doesn’t thrive under pressure.

It thrives when there’s space. When there’s flexibility. When there’s trust.

So maybe the shift isn’t about doing more…

Maybe it’s about loosening the grip just enough to let your body do what it already knows how to do.

Because sleep is not something you force.

It’s something you allow.

If you’re tired of overthinking your sleep and trying to follow rules that don’t seem to work, you don’t have to figure this out alone.

You can book a free discovery call and we’ll explore what’s really going on—and what will actually help you sleep better. https://calendly.com/chevymermelstein/30min

Missed a blog? https://www.chevymermelsteinsleepcoach.org/post/sleep-anxiety-why-you-re-treating-bedtime-like-a-blizzard-warning