Why Can’t I Fall Asleep — Even When I’m Exhausted

3 Real Strategies That Actually Help (No Pressure, No Rules)

Let me guess. You're lying in bed, beyond tired, and your mind is screaming:

“Why can’t I just fall asleep?”

And deep down, you're hoping someone — maybe a coach like me — will give you the magic answer in one minute or less.

But here’s the thing.

Sleep is not a quick-fix kind of issue.

It's not like a headache, where you pop two Advils and 20 minutes later you're back to normal.

Sleep problems are more like migraines.

And if you’ve ever experienced a real migraine, you know what I mean.

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution. It takes trial and error, tuning in to your body, noticing patterns, trying different tools. Some nights are better than others. Some strategies help… sometimes. It’s personal. It’s layered. It’s real.

But before I even get to the strategies, here’s one truth I need you to hear loud and clear:

The more we want sleep, the less we sleep.

The more we fear being awake, the more awake we feel.

I see this all the time — like with Helen, who was going to bed as early as 8 p.m., sometimes even earlier, desperate to get ahead of her sleep troubles. But this didn’t help — she still woke up at her usual time in the morning, often feeling tired and frustrated.

Because sleep doesn't come from trying harder.

It doesn’t come from fear.

It comes when we create the right conditions — and remove the pressure.

That’s what these next three strategies are all about.

1. Stop Living Your Life from Your Bed

This might sound strange, but hear me out.

The average adult needs 7 to 9 hours of sleep. But I’ve seen many clients who go to bed way too early, hoping that more time in bed will mean more sleep.

Take Helen, for example. She was going to bed as early as 8 p.m., sometimes even earlier, desperate to get ahead of her sleep troubles. But this didn’t help — she still woke up at her usual time in the morning, often feeling tired and frustrated.

Your bed should be a place of rest — not a source of pressure.

When you go to bed too early, long before you feel sleepy, it builds stress and anxiety around sleep. Instead of helping, it often backfires, keeping you stuck in a cycle of sleeplessness.

So rather than stretching your time in bed, focus on quality over quantity. Go to bed closer to when you actually feel tired, and let your life be more than just trying to get sleep.

2. Go to Bed When You're Tired — Not When the Clock Says

This one runs deep.

Many of us are still hearing the voice of a parent yelling, “Go to bed already!”

So we check the clock, see it’s 10 p.m., and think, “Okay, time to sleep.”

But what if your body’s not ready?

Going to bed when you're not tired just builds pressure.

You lie there. You toss. You turn.

And suddenly you're not just awake — you're angry about being awake. You’re scared of being tired tomorrow. You’re panicking. And sleep? It’s out the window.

So here’s your permission slip:

You don’t need to go to bed just because it’s late.

Your body is unique. Your rhythm is yours. Wait for the natural wave of tiredness. And if it’s not there yet — that’s okay. It will come. And when it does, you’ll be more likely to fall asleep without a fight.

3. Plan for the Night — Without Attaching to the Outcome

This one feels backwards, but it’s so powerful.

Instead of fighting wakefulness, plan for it.

Not in a rigid, “I need to fix this” kind of way — but in a soft, “this is part of life” kind of way.

I often tell my clients: Have something gentle and comforting prepared for the night.

Not something boring. Not a punishment. Something you genuinely look forward to.

Maybe it's a favorite podcast you only let yourself listen to at night.

Maybe it's a coloring book, or a cozy playlist, or a chapter of a novel you save just for those hours.

One of my clients kept a paint-by-number set by her bed — just for nights like this.

You can do this in bed or out of bed.

What matters is that you’re not tying your peace of mind to whether or not you fall asleep.

You're not doing this to make sleep happen.

You're doing this to take the pressure off.

And once that pressure is gone?

That’s when sleep comes.

Because sleep is not something we earn.

It’s not something we force.

It’s something natural — every human is born with the ability to sleep.

Your body already knows how.

Your job is simply to create space for it to return.

Coming Up Next…

In my next blog, I’ll be sharing two more powerful strategies — ones that go deeper into how to work with racing thoughts and nighttime anxiety, and how to stop wrestling with them.

And I’ll also be answering a question many people quietly wonder:

“Could this be something biological?”

“What if my melatonin is low, or my cortisol is too high?”

We’ll talk about what a chemical sleep imbalance might look like, how to know if your hormones could be affecting your sleep, and what gentle steps you can take without jumping to extremes.

So stay tuned. And in the meantime —

Try one small change from this post.

Remove the pressure. Let sleep be a gift, not a test.

And remind yourself: You are not broken. You’re just tired. And that can change.

If you feel like you need more personalized support or clarity on your sleep struggles, please feel free to book a complimentary call with me. I’d love to help you create a peaceful, restful night’s sleep.

Book your free 30-minute session here