In Conversation with Baby Sleep Coach Dassa Friedlander

I had the privilege of interviewing Dassa Friedlander, a mom from Lakewood, New Jersey, and a dedicated children’s sleep consultant. Honestly, it was such a breath of fresh air to speak with someone who truly gets it — the exhaustion, the second-guessing, the “why won’t this child sleep?” moments that every parent faces. Our conversation flowed with so much wisdom and heart.

I asked her five key questions about children’s sleep, what parents are struggling with most, and how her work beautifully complements the world of adult sleep coaching. If you want more insights on how your child’s sleep might actually be connected to your own routines and stress, check out my previous blog post.

1. What’s something you wish every parent knew about their child’s sleep?

“That’s a great question! No matter your child’s personality or temperament, every child can learn to sleep well! I often hear parents say, ‘This one was never a good sleeper,’ and in my head I’m thinking — it’s usually not the child.

Most of the time, it’s just that the mom hasn’t had the tools or knowledge she needs to make it happen. A mother doesn’t have to teach her child to sleep better. There’s nothing wrong with rocking, nursing, or having the baby in her bed if that works for her. If everyone’s getting by and she’s genuinely okay with it, that’s totally fine!

But if she wants to make a change, she can. And she should know — and believe — that even her strong-willed, energetic, or spirited child can absolutely learn to sleep well, iYH.”

2. Can parents get help with sleep challenges at any point, or is there a “right time”?

“This is a question I hear all the time! The short answer is yes, you can get help at any age — and no, there’s no one ‘right time.’ Some parents like to get ahead of it, even before the baby is born or in those first newborn weeks, so they can set up healthy sleep habits right from the start.

Others reach out later, once sleep really starts to feel like a problem. Sometimes it’s because they worry their child isn’t getting enough rest; other times, it’s because the parent — usually mom — is running on empty and the whole household is feeling it.

Every child and every age has its own challenges, so it’s hard to say whether it’s easier or harder at a certain stage. The good news is that, no matter the age, it’s always possible to make progress.”

3. How do parents know how much sleep their child should be getting?

“This is such a common question! Every parent wonders how much sleep their little one really needs. One of the best ways I help is through my email list, where I share my Top Ten Sleeping Tips.

In there, I include charts showing wake windows, how many naps a child should have each day, and another chart that breaks down how much daytime and nighttime sleep is appropriate for every age up to 6 years old. I send these out from time to time so parents can feel confident about their child’s sleep and know they’re on the right track.”

You can sign up to Dassa’s email list by texting an email address to 732-440-8307 or emailing babyzzzsleepconsulting@gmail.com.

4. How does your approach differ for newborns versus babies and toddlers?

“One of the biggest differences is how we address crying. For newborns up to about four months, I use only very gentle, no-cry approaches to help them ease into healthy sleep habits.

With older babies and toddlers, we can begin to use evidence-based sleep-training methods that may involve some crying — though it never has to be excessive. Crying is always a major concern for parents, and understandably so. Hashem created us with a natural instinct to respond when our child cries, so this is something I really talk through with parents. Together, we create a plan that feels right for them and is realistic for them to follow. You absolutely can sleep-train with minimal crying, but if parents are comfortable with a bit more, progress often happens faster.

A second key difference is how closely feeding and sleep are connected in the early months. With newborns, we talk a lot about both — feeding patterns, hunger cues, and how these naturally shape sleep. As babies grow, feeding is still part of the conversation, but it becomes less central. It really depends on the child’s needs and the parent’s goals.”

5. Many parents struggle with sleep themselves. How does your work with children complement adult sleep coaching, and what role does parental stress play?

“The first step to helping adults sleep better is often getting their little ones sleeping well! Once the kids are resting, parents have the space to work on their own sleep. If they’re still struggling, they can reach out for help — like contacting Chevy here to see what can work for them.

Sleep is natural — every human is born knowing how to do it. For children, challenges are usually about behaviors or sleep hygiene. For adults, sleep anxiety is often the biggest barrier, and unfortunately, children pick up on that stress.

Scheduling is key: going to bed when tired, but not overtired, works for both adults and kids. Sleep is a 24-hour cycle — it doesn’t just start at bedtime. Did you get outside, exercise, process your day, manage stress? Sleep really starts in the morning!

I also coach parents on using the right body language, tone, and words around sleep, so children hear: ‘Sleep is yummy, sleep is good for you!’ During training, they also hear: ‘You’re okay, Mommy is okay, Mommy knows what she’s doing, Mommy loves you, you’re just learning to fall asleep in a better way!’ This helps the whole family feel confident and calm at bedtime.”

Talking with Dassa was such a genuine joy. It reminded me how deeply interconnected sleep is for the entire family — when one piece shifts, everything shifts. Whether you’re working on improving your child’s sleep or your own, small changes, awareness, and consistent routines can make a huge difference.

The takeaway? Sleep is natural, it truly begins in the morning, and with the right support and understanding, every member of your family can find rest and peace.

If you need help getting your child the sleep they (and you) desperately need, you can reach Dassa at babyzzzsleepconsulting@gmail.com or 732-440-8300.

Or, if you’d like to schedule a personal sleep coaching session with me, you can book a 30-minute discovery call here.