Insomnia: When Fear Keeps You Awake

After Chanukah, the chaos finally quiets down.

The food is gone.

The guests are gone.

The kids are back in school.

Life is supposed to return to normal.

And you are done.

Done hosting.

Done traveling.

Done holding it all together.

You crawl into bed exhausted — physically, mentally, emotionally — and you’re sure sleep will finally come.

Except it doesn’t.

You toss.

You turn.

You check the clock.

2:07 a.m.

You’re so tired your eyes burn. Some nights, you’re literally crying from exhaustion, begging your body to just shut down.

And then it hits you:

Why can’t I sleep?

When you’re honest with yourself, this didn’t start tonight.

You haven’t slept well in weeks.

It’s been slowly getting worse.

And there’s now something new — an underlying panic.

What if this happens again tonight?

I have to sleep.

I can’t function like this.

So you do the only thing a desperate, exhausted human does:

You Google it.

“What happens if you don’t sleep for X nights?”

“What is insomnia? How many nights can a person go without sleep?”

And Google — in all its wisdom — gives you a word:

Insomnia.

Great. Now it has a name.

And that’s exactly when the spiral can start.

When the Problem Becomes the Story

Let’s pause for a second.

Because there’s something very important here that most people miss:

It’s not just that you can’t sleep.

It’s that you’re afraid of not sleeping anymore.

And even more — you’re afraid of feeling that panic again.

That’s the real issue.

This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this.

I once coached a school teacher living in Eastern Europe. The very first thing she said to me was:

“I think I might die.”

Her words.

She told me about a cousin’s neighbor’s friend who hadn’t slept for three weeks. He ended up in the hospital. And he died.

She wasn’t dramatic. She was intelligent, well-organized, a loving mom — a school teacher. But fear had taken over.

She wasn’t afraid of a few missed hours of sleep.

She was afraid of the panic that came with being awake at night.

The racing heart.

The fear of losing control.

The sensation that something was really wrong.

And that fear wasn’t a thinking problem — it was a nervous system problem.

Her body — like yours — was responding as if the lack of sleep was a threat to her survival.

Everyone with “Insomnia” Has “Proof”

Here’s the part people with chronic sleep issues always tell me:0

They have proof.

“I haven’t slept in three days.”

“Four nights.”

“Months…”

They track it. They log it. They bring up the number like it’s an award and a scar all at once.

And here’s the twist:

The more they believe the number matters,

the more it keeps sleep out of reach.

Because the moment you believe you can’t sleep, your body reacts as if it’s true.

It’s not the hours that keep you up.

It’s the fear that those hours exist at all.

You go to bed not hoping to rest — but bracing for panic.

Your nervous system stays alert, scanning for danger, waiting for the fear to hit.

And when it does, that confirms the story:

“See? I knew it. I can’t sleep.”

But here’s the key insight:

It’s not that sleep disappeared because you noticed it.

It disappeared because you started chasing it with fear.

Fear of the Fear — The Real Sleep Thief

Let’s name it clearly:

It’s not just fear of not sleeping.

It’s fear of the fear itself.

Once you’re afraid of how it feels — the racing thoughts, the tight chest, the sense of being trapped in your own body — your nervous system stays locked in vigilance.

That’s survival mode.

Not restful mode.

When sleep becomes a problem to solve instead of a process that happens, your body goes into protection mode.

It stays awake not because it can’t sleep,

but because it believes staying awake is safer.

That’s why people with insomnia often say:

“I’m tired. I’m exhausted. Yet I can’t sleep.”

The tiredness is real.

The exhaustion is real.

But the fear is louder.

And when fear is louder than rest, the body listens to fear.

This Is Why You’re Still Awake — Even After Everything “Should” Be Normal

You’re not failing to sleep.

You’re responding to fear.

Sleep doesn’t happen when you chase it.

Sleep happens when your body feels safe.

And when your nervous system has been on high alert — night after night — it starts interpreting bedtime as a threat zone.

That’s when insomnia becomes more than sleepless nights.

It becomes a cycle where fear keeps sleep away — and sleepless nights keep the fear alive.

You get stuck not because your body forgot how to sleep —

but because your mind believes it can’t.

And the fear of that belief becomes the real opponent.

But Here’s the Good News

Your body knows how to sleep.

Your nervous system isn’t broken.

The safety you’re searching for isn’t lost — it’s just been buried under fear and expectation.

When the fear of fear loosens its grip, sleep has room to return.

Not because you forced it.

Not because you figured out every “trick.”

But because your body finally stops bracing and starts relaxing.

And that shift — from fear to safety — is where real rest begins.

If this resonates and you’re ready for compassionate, practical support in unpacking this fear loop, I’m here.

No pressure. No sales pitch.

Just a gentle invitation:

👉 Book a 30-minute conversation with me here:

https://calendly.com/chevymermelstein/30min

We can explore what’s keeping sleep out of reach for you, without judgment or pressure.

And if you want to dive deeper into this theme — especially around trying everything and still not sleeping — you might find this previous post helpful:

👉 Why Can’t I Just Sleep — Even When I Try Everything Right

https://www.chevymermelsteinsleepcoach.org/post/why-can-t-i-just-sleep-even-when-i-try-everything-right

Insomnia isn’t just sleepless nights.

It’s the fear of being awake, the fear of the panic, the fear of losing control.

Once you stop fearing the fear — everything changes.

And rest doesn’t stay waiting forever.

It just waits for safety again