Part Two: The Moment That Matters Most — How I Responded When My Son Said “I Can’t Sleep”

Yesterday I shared the story of my 13-year-old son — a deep, solid sleeper his entire life — suddenly telling me he couldn’t fall asleep and was wide awake at 1 AM. Check out Part One here

This year, my son started a new school schedule, and it’s intense. He leaves the house at 6:30 AM and doesn’t return until 6 PM, only to go back out for learning until nearly 10 PM. It’s a huge shift for anyone — let alone a 13-year-old whose previous schedule was much lighter. I knew his mind and body would need time to adjust.

He’s always been the kind of kid who falls asleep easily. He reads quietly, listens to music, and drifts off without stress. Bedtime has always been smooth. So when he first told me he couldn’t sleep, I was a little surprised — but I reassured him it was normal to take some time to adjust to such a long, new schedule.

A few days later, he came back with the same worry — but this time, he added something that really made me pause.

"Maybe I need melatonin… like Chaim did when he started yeshiva."

That surprised me — and for a second, I was in panic mode.

One of the main reasons I became a sleep coach was because of Chaim. I wanted to help him — and now here I was, facing the same scenario with my younger son.

Here’s an interesting detail: Chaim didn’t actually start having sleep issues when he began yeshiva. He was seven years old when those challenges appeared — years before my younger son was even thinking about school schedules. But my son’s mind had borrowed a story, turned it into “this is what happens when you go to yeshiva,” and suddenly he believed he couldn’t sleep without melatonin.

But I didn't panic.

 I stayed completely neutral.

This is the moment where parents either accidentally lock in the fear… or gently help their children shift out of it.

And the way we respond can make all the difference.

1. The Power of Staying Neutral

Inside, I was blown away. 

My son has always slept like a rock.

 But hearing him connect his sleep to his older brother’s story could have escalated things — even though, in reality, Chaim’s sleep struggles had nothing to do with starting yeshiva. My son’s mind had created its own narrative.

Instead, I stayed calm, grounded, and neutral. No panic. No dramatic reassurances. No overreacting.

Neutrality keeps the story small. Panic makes the story big.

And in sleep, the size of the story is everything.

2. The Simple Questions I DID Ask

I didn’t coach him.

 I didn’t lecture.

 I didn’t debate melatonin.

 I didn’t try to convince him he was fine.

I simply asked gentle, curious questions to help him think for himself:

• “What do you think changed suddenly this week?”

  
  

• “How did your body feel when you went to bed last night?”

  
  

• “Is this a feeling you’ve had before, or is it new?”

  
  

• “What made you think melatonin might help?”

  
  

These questions weren’t about solving the problem immediately. 

They were about creating space for him to reflect, notice, and think critically about his own experience.

He paused, thought carefully, and began to notice the difference between his own body and the borrowed story he had created in his mind. The silence, combined with curiosity, gave him the space to realize that his sleep hadn’t suddenly become hard — it was just a story his mind had invented.

3. The Questions I DIDN’T Ask — On Purpose

Just as important as the questions I asked are the ones I intentionally did not ask:

• No debates about whether melatonin was necessary.

  
  

• No corrections or explanations.

  
  

• No “Why would you say that?”

  
  

• No emotional reactions that could reinforce fear.

  
  

• No pressure to fall asleep immediately.

  
  

Because when we feed the fear — even unintentionally — it grows.

When we stay calm, curious, and observant, children have the chance to reconnect with their own experience.

Why This Matters

Children absorb stories.

They watch siblings, parents, and the world around them.

Sometimes, without any physical reason, they convince themselves that sleep should be hard.

Our reactions — calm versus panic, curious versus judgmental — shape whether these stories stick or fade.

Watching my son work through his own thoughts reminded me of one of the most important lessons in parenting and sleep coaching: our children’s minds are incredibly powerful. They can amplify fear, they can create problems out of thin air, and they can convince themselves that something is broken — even when it isn’t.

And yet, the mind can also be guided gently, without force, through curiosity and reflection.

So what happened next?

 Did he realize the story wasn’t his own?

 Did he reconnect with his natural sleep ability?

 What finally helped him fall asleep again?

I’ll share the full strategy tomorrow — and it’s something every parent can use.

Every night your child struggles with sleep, the story in their mind grows stronger — and handing out melatonin may feel like the only solution. You don’t have to let worry, guilt, or uncertainty take over. Let’s uncover what’s really happening and create a plan to restore peaceful, natural sleep — before the struggle becomes a bigger problem.

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