The Number One Sleep Mistake That Makes Insomnia Worse

If you struggle with insomnia, there’s a good chance you’re doing this one thing without even realizing it, and it’s making everything worse.

You’re spending too much time in bed.

Sounds strange, right? You’d think that the less you sleep, the more time you should spend in bed. But that’s actually one of the biggest traps keeping insomnia alive and well.

Sleep expert Sasha Stephens, author of The Effortless Sleep Method, says that “90 percent of sleep issues would be cured by spending less time in bed.”

She’s right.

Most people who start struggling with sleep do one (or both) of these two things:

• They go to bed earlier and earlier, hoping that extra time in bed will “force” their body to sleep.

  
  

• They lie in bed for hours, trying to “catch up” on rest.

  
  

Sound familiar?

How Much Sleep Do Adults Really Need?

Here’s the thing: the average adult needs between 7 and 9 hours of sleep, and in most cases, it’s actually closer to 7 to 8 hours, not the 10, 11, or even 12 hours that many people end up allowing themselves.

But there’s something really important to understand here.

Sleep isn’t just about giving your body “enough time.” It’s also about how your body builds sleep in the first place.

There’s a natural system in the brain that builds what’s called sleep pressure throughout the day. The longer you are awake, the more your body builds a biological drive for sleep. That pressure is what helps you fall asleep quickly and stay asleep more deeply.

When you extend your time in bed too much, especially when sleep is already fragile — you start to weaken that system.

So instead of going to bed with a strong, clear drive to sleep, your body is only mildly tired. And mild tiredness doesn’t create deep, solid sleep. It creates light sleep, broken sleep, and more time awake in bed noticing that you’re awake.

That’s why going to bed at 8 p.m. and getting up at 7 a.m., like many of my clients do, often backfires. On paper, it looks like “more opportunity for sleep.” But in reality, it stretches the sleep window beyond what the body actually needs, and the result is often the opposite — more wakefulness, more frustration, and more focus on sleep itself.

Spending so much time in bed doesn’t just fail to fix insomnia. It can quietly teach the brain that the bed is a place for thinking, worrying, and waiting for sleep, rather than actually sleeping.

That’s when the cycle starts to reinforce itself.

Meet Rachel

Rachel, a 52-year-old mom and grandma, came to me exhausted and frustrated. She runs a busy household, writes part-time, and hasn't slept well in months.

She was convinced something was deeply wrong with her sleep. When I asked about her routine, she casually mentioned:

“I’m usually in bed by 8 p.m. and get up around 7 a.m.”

That’s 11 hours in bed, far more than her body needed. No wonder she couldn’t sleep! Her mind wasn’t ready for rest, and her body hadn’t built up enough sleep pressure to fall asleep easily.

Dovid’s Story

A mom once called me about her son Dovid, 8, who couldn’t fall asleep.

He was in bed by 7 p.m., tossing and turning. When I asked about his routine, she said,

“He’s the oldest of three, so I put all the kids to bed at the same time.”

There it was. He simply wasn’t tired yet. Once we adjusted his bedtime to match his natural sleepiness, he started falling asleep easily, no struggle, no frustration.

Meet Janette

Janette, a 49-year-old single woman, works tirelessly for a demanding boss. She told me:

“I long for the day to end, but I dread the evenings.”

Because her evenings feel heavy, she starts getting ready for bed at 7 p.m., reads, scrolls through her phone, and finally turns out the lights at 9 p.m.

Almost every client I see struggles with the same thing. They come to me worried about their sleep, but then there’s the big question: what am I supposed to do with all these hours in the evening?

I notice a lot of people don’t really have hobbies or ways to fill that time just for themselves. So the evening can feel long, empty, even frustrating. And what do we naturally do? We get into bed early, thinking it’ll help. But it doesn’t — it just keeps the cycle going.

Start Noticing

A powerful first step is simply noticing your patterns:

• How many hours are you actually spending in bed?

• What does your free time look like in the evening?

• Do you have real wind-down time, or are you just filling hours with screens, scrolling, or random tasks?

  
  

Often, insomnia isn’t just about sleep. It’s about the evening life you’re creating for yourself. Taking note of your habits, without judgment, is the first step toward creating a rhythm that actually supports rest.

As Rachel, Dovid, and Janette discovered, sometimes the simplest solutions are the most powerful: spend the right amount of time in bed, notice your evenings, and let your body do what it already knows how to do.

I’m now seeing in-house clients in Montreal, or you can book a complimentary session here: 👉https://calendly.com/chevymermelstein/30min

If you missed my blog on sleep restriction, check it out here:

👉 The Truth About Sleep Restriction Therapy: My Aunt’s Battle with Insomnia